11 Birthdays Missed : 11 Years of Heartache & Healing

As tomorrow approaches, I am deeply aware of the date on the calendar. When death anniversaries are etched in the memory, it is hard to ignore the upcoming recollection when you look at the calendar. The morning of October 3, 2015 becomes front and centre, as I recall the disturbing details of becoming a bereaved mother. The pain that lies dormant in my heart is always ready and willing to rear its ugly head. It could be as simple as a song on the radio that jars my memory back to a particular moment of my son's past, or it could be the teenage boy passing by my house on his bicycle that reminds me of my son on his way to work at Home Hardware during his highschool years.

There is not a day that goes by without some fleeting thought of my son's life, or the longing for his presence, but over the last decade, I have learned to maneuver these feelings. Bereaved parents learn to surf the grief tides so reluctantly at first, that they don't realize how proficient they will become.

After eleven years of dodging heavy emotions, and stepping away from society at times, I have come to a point in my journey of loss that reminds me that I can have a prominent role in someone else's healing journey. For over a decade, I have been writing, creating, producing grief resources to help individuals navigate loss. Some of the items came about in response to my own healing path, and discovering ways I could cope with the agonizing pain in my heart. This process helped me to realize that I had a choice on how I would choose to spend the remaining years of my life on this planet. I could succumb to the pain in my heart from losing Logan, or I could turn my attention upwards to become witness to all the grand teachings of life. The latter choice seemed to be more beneficial to my well-being, so I gathered my strength to keep pulling myself up the ladder of loss after every debilitating episode that grief will throw at you.

It took many years of rediscovering myself, and becoming entangled with difficult emotions, self-worth issues, confidence rebuilding, and bringing myself back to a stable foundation. My entire identity dissolved in 2015 when my world completely fell apart and I became the dreaded 'bereaved mother'. When Logan died, I literally did not know how I was going to take my next breath, let alone survive eleven years without him. Here I stand today with a healthier mindset and stance who is now ready for the next chapter of my life. I know I have a path to follow and there is work I have yet to do.

The trenches of grief taught me more about life than I ever would have been exposed to on the previous path I was on. Perhaps I can be grateful to my son for making me realize how precious life really is. There is so much beauty in the world, and the miraculous creations in nature, and humankind that we cannot afford to get caught in the negative cycles of all that is wrong in the world.

We have been given a gift... the gift of life. I may know this more intimately now since becoming a bereaved parent, but if I could tell the world anything, it would be not to squander your moments away... they wil become someone's memory of you that will outlive your physical presence when you too leave this earth.

October 3rd no longer needs to be my fear during the turn of the calendar's page and a reminder of that terrible day in my personal history... I have decided that I will continue to pull myself up another rung of the ladder of loss, and the glorious view keeps getting better and better the higher I go.

If you are struggling with the loss of a child, or someone dear to you, I invite you to explore the resources I have created over the last decade for those suffering from grief. There are multiple online grief courses, guided meditations, workbooks & exercises for the loss of a loved one, distant Reiki for grief sessions, a grief healing postal mail club for greivers, and more items that have become the biggest grief toolbox I have produced thus far. The online courses have already reached students in 23 countries around the world as of 2026. You can begin griefwork in the privacy of your own home, and the resources will be there whenever you need them.

Perhaps you need a lift up to the next rung of the grief ladder but you aren't sure where to start? The Solution Wizard has a special discount waiting for those who are ready to begin their healing journey, and here is just one resource that you may find helpful right now.